MARRIED by REV ROXY | Something New

Mary Ellen from Albuquerque, New Mexico writes, "Rev Roxy, I know you blog much about wedding ceremonies and all things wedding but I was wondering if you could give me your thoughts on honeymoons as it relates to MUST HAVES for weddings. I, also noticed, that you have blogged once about travel but I haven't heard any more about traveling since... I have a tight budget of 20k and there are so many details I want to ensure I capture on my wedding day. There is simply is no room financially to make a trip happen. Is a honeymoon really that serious?"

Mary Ellen, in this day and age it's hard to say what is "serious" and what is not. The truth is we live in the culture of "to each their own". Most wedding professionals live up to the "it's whatever is most valuable to the couple". However, as a minister, I like to compare myself to an orthodontist rather than a cosmetic dental surgeon. There are those who exist to make weddings simply look good, and there is nothing wrong with that. A lot of us need those people and there are those who are there to preserve family units... that's me! Like the orthodontist, I want to preserve teeth.... I mean, marriage :) I met a very nice, well meaning, wedding officiant who once who said to me, "I offer premarital counseling, marriage counseling and divorce counseling." I looked at him and said, "I don't do divorce counseling." And there we were staring at each other trying to figure each other out. You see, I don't try to be all things to all people and I recommend that if you meet people who think they are all things to all people you run the other way!

I have no interest in helping people separate. There are plenty of lawyers around to make that happen. I am, however, very much into bringing people together and helping them through the tumultuous times. Because WHEN those times come, "love" will be tested. But the good news is, you can study for the test. When I say study, I mean you can do things to prepare for the test. Quality time may not be everyones love language, however it is still imperative. I think we get too caught up in personality that we start to invent things and that's the path that leads to destruction. It makes very little sense to spend a life savings on one event and not have a peaceful space to get to know your new husband or wife right after. First, a honeymoon does not have to be something super expensive or even far away. It's a time to be together as husband and wife and get to know each other in that new role. Essentially, it's the first day of the rest of your life and that should not be ignored.

My motto is, "budgets can always be adjusted." Slim back a little some where in the budget and book that trip! Even if its a few nights at a local bed and breakfast, spend the money and spend

the time. Your marriage is the prized possession not the event. The ceremony is as beautiful as the love that fills your heart in that time and space... Now don't go saying Rev. Roxy said we should get married on the side of the road... No! Get the full glam, full beat, bedazzle, frazzle and all that jazz going but just make sure you are setting aside time to spend with one another that is not your new apartment or your old apartment (for those of ya'll already living together... I see ya'll ;) But, be sure to have that special time to maybe reflect and laugh about all the drama leading up to the big day and laugh at all the funny moments about family characters that always show up and show out at every family affair. Or even about the many family members who persist to take pictures and video although you had a large sign that said, "UNPLUGGED WEDDING" and had the minister announce like 20 times no pictures or video please.

I hope this helps Mary Ellen. I would never give advice that I wouldn't take myself.